Hospitals

I visited a friend in the hospital just before Thanksgiving.


It was tough to be there in the hospital. It was hard to be around people who were physically hurting. It was tough to see my friend in there, having to stay there because they were not certain what his body was doing, or if it could hold up outside the hospital on its own. It was hard to think about what would happen if my friend was not there anymore - what would happen to his kids, his wife, his family?


I think I feel uncomfortable in hospitals because it's uncomfortable being around suffering. I don't know exactly what to do with it. Do I smile in the face of death, putting on a mask, or do I slog around in pessimism, not expecting anything better? Those are two extremes. What I want to do is face death, suffering and pain head on, certainly try to avoid them if it is prudent, but if suffering is inevitable, i don't want to be afraid of it. I want my fear to be replaced with trust - trust in the Sovereign and Good God who knows the future, and has my best interest, His best interest, in mind.

I think it's good to see the whole picture of humanity, experience our depravity, and suffering is part of that human picture. Seeing people suffer, like my friend, make me realize how fragile life is - how quickly life can change. I see my need for something deeper than day to day life, but for something that is eternal and will endure thru suffering and that is bigger than suffering. I need hope to truly enjoy life.




Seeing suffering and realizing it could also happen to you is also a good way to put things in life in perspective. What do I want to leave behind after I'm gone from this world? Is getting that new car or home really that important? Nope.

My friend is doing much better, but the cause of his illness is still a mystery.

Why Beacon?

Why Beacon?

I live on a hill called Beacon, and on an avenue called Beacon here in Seattle. My housemates and I just had a house party, where we purposefully named our house 'The Beacon'. The word Beacon has been on my mind.

I like the word 'Beacon'. The word is attractive to me because it has meaning on more than one level. A beacon is a light, and provides light to help people on their way. A beacon is a physical object, but can also be a person, a thought, or a rebuke. There are also deep spiritual connotations to the word. This is also appealing to me because I want my blog to reflect something deeper than the ordinary goings on in my life.

Why Blog?

I've enjoyed reading others' blogs and have gotten to write a few for the Mars Hill Outdoors Ministry (see 'Links'). Why not start my own? Lately, I've enjoyed writing more creatively, so figured a blog would be a good outlet for some of my musings.

Over the past year and a half, there has been quite a few changes in my life - some hard changes, some pain, but also some amazing joys. I feel that I have come to see life in new ways, see relationships in new ways, and also appreciate the Living God in new ways. I enjoy writing - and so why not share some of these new experiences and thoughts with other people? Perhaps some of the things I write may shed a little light on what other people are going thru?

So, sit back, relax, and hope you enjoy the 'Beacon'.

A Vision of Struggle

The dark and dampness surrounded me like a heavy, constricting blanket.

With a white knuckled grip, I held onto a rope, suspended in the darkness. The rope cut into my palm, but I could not let go. I felt myself slipping.

I held out my arm, and frantically strained to feel something more to hold on to. I felt blood running down my wrist, but I could not let go for fear of falling - falling into the unknown.

Finally I touched it - another rope - and this one felt stronger, thicker.

I abandoned my old bloodied rope and grasped the new rope with both hands. This one felt strong. I felt secure in my choice (or was it really my choice) of a new lifeline. Yes, this one will hold me, I told myself, and hope swelled.

The rope that felt strong began to disintegrate, slowly at first but then more and more rapidly. Again I reached into the darkness, straining to feel the faintest touch of another rope. I found one and reached for it, only to find it gone.

Gone.

Only the black void was there to catch me - or so I thought.

I fell on a rock, solid and strong, eternal, with not a hint of wavering. All I had to do was stand upon it.